When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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