how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
