Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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