Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
