the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
