i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
