Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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