Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
