I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
