Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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