you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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