I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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