So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
