How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
