i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
