I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
