The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
