Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
