There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
