My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
