Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
