I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
