i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
