so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
