she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
