wrigley field is MILF paradise
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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