Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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