Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
