Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
