yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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