that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
