piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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