Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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