my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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