I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
this will be a night to untag.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
