Me too!
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
This beer is not sobering me up at all
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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