I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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