I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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