My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
