You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
