What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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