problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
