I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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