my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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