why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
