EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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