I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
