so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
