I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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