How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Holy sore nipples Batman
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
