So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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