I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
4 words: hood of his car
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
