how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
