By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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